her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
