I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
