so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
