i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
