I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
