And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This show inspires me to have sex in space
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize