He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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