im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
