i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize