shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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