One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
