i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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