weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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