i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
