ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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