I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize