Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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