Whod you bang
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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