Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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