I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
