Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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