im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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