I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
