the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
