I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
