His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
