i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
