4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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