I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
