So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
