who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BRING THE BAGELS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
