we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
