got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
