i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
