Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
