If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
