weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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