you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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