i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize