Small penises have feelings too.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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