she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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