After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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