you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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