i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
