We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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