The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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