Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
