Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
