Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
