Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
