you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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