I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
