I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
