I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize