What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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