I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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