why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
