ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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