dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
