the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
