it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
