watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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