we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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