Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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