remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
