Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I am morally bankrupt
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
