I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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