it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
