she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
