God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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