Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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