so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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