hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
