What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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