Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize