Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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