i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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