I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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