is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Two words: blizzard sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
