So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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