so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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