And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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