They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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